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 I am whatever you say I am

If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am?

Eminem-The Way I Am

Okay, so here’s a truth for you. One that we all know, but none of us take to heart, you are whatever others think you are. What I mean by that is, it doesn’t matter what you truly are as a person, because people are going to believe that you are whatever they believe you to be.

We all do it. We meet someone and make a flash judgment of who they are as a person. Sometimes, we actually put forth a little effort and get to know someone and find that our initial judgments were not entirely correct and then sometimes we find them to be all too true. But, do we really know that person? Does anyone ever really know anyone?

That is a question that I don’t think anyone can answer completely. Sure, there are people that know me, in that they know the things I like and what I think about everyday type issues and even some of those off the wall types of things that come up in conversation. But, to say that there is a single person on this earth that really and truly knows me, well there is not even one.

I don’t mean to imply that I am this deep, introverted, and complicated person and that no one can get me, because of these reasons. I mean that roughly 80% of all my thoughts are private, meaning my mind is constantly churning out something, most of which I never share with anyone. Some of it because it’s just the same old mundane bullshit, we all think about, like I need to buy bread. Some of it is something embarrassing, in some way. For me, that could be something dumb I said back in the seventh grade, which I have to replay in my mind over and over again. Sometimes, because I love to write, the thoughts are about characters or stories, some which never see the light of day and remain forever locked in my brain. Then there are the thoughts about life, decisions I’ve made, decisions, I need to make, and so on.

Occasionally, I do share some of this with others, but there is an obscene amount, that I never tell anyone. If you think about it, you’ll most likely discover that you do the same thing. Of course, not every thought that pops in our head should then in turn, flow from our lips. Not every thought we think needs to vocalized for numerous reasons. For one, we would probably be hurting a lot of people’s feelings, for no reason. And for another, the noise of all of us talking almost constantly would likely soon drive us all insane. Because, most people are thinking something, almost all the time, when they are conscious anyway.

So, it shouldn’t surprise us when others don’t really know us. That being said, I hate those people that think they know you. Those people that know little more about you than what you look like, your name, and what they’ve heard about you. They take these facts and run with them, spreading them far and wide.

I really don’t spend too much time thinking about what others think about me anymore, but I still hate when someone spreads lies about me. On the other side of the coin are those that should know you, well a little bit, anyway. These are people like your spouse, long time boyfriend or girlfriend, and very close friends. In other words, those that you have taken into your confidence and have told them things about yourself and your thoughts, that you have told no other.

These people can be the most unreal to me, at times. My husband, for instance, has told me what he thought I was thinking or what I meant by something I said and can sometimes be so far from right, that I find myself wondering if he knows me at all. Well, the truth is, he is telling me what he would think or say, if he were in my shoes. Which, when you think about it, is perfectly understandable, because the thoughts in his head are what he has to work with, unless he is a mind reader and has been keeping his gift under wraps.

So, no matter what you do or say, others are going to place a label on you, in their minds and sometimes aloud. Sometimes it will be correct, other times it will be way off base. So, what do we do to get others to truly see us? Honestly, there’s nothing you can do. You can be all sunshine and light and some people will hate you for being too positive or too nice. You can dress in black and write bad poetry about death and the meaningless of life and some will hate you for being too whiny or too negative.

Here’s the trick, just accept it. Accept the fact that you will NEVER make everyone happy. You will NEVER make people see who you truly are, as a person. But, there will be some that will know more than others and hopefully those will be the one’s whose opinions are positive. We all need someone in our corner cheering. We all need someone. I know, I know, you hear it all the time, that I don’t need anybody mentality. And, no, you shouldn’t need someone just so that you can exist or feel whole, but we all do need someone.

When I say you shouldn’t need someone to simply make you feel as if you exist or to make you feel whole, what I mean is that you should always strive to be a full-functioning person, all on your own. And the people that you add to your life should be people that bring you happiness and joy, not existence and not to just feel a hole inside you.

I guess no one will ever know anyone and maybe it’s for the best, because if we knew every, single thought someone had, we would all probably running for our suicide method of choice. Because, as they say, ignorance is bliss and no one wants to hear every negative thought someone has about them. We need that buffer, so that we aren’t bombarded with all the hate in the world.

But, just in case there is some new technological advance, in the near future, that makes all our thoughts up for grabs, maybe we should try to make our thoughts a little bit kinder. Because, the world can always use a little more kindness.